What do you think - do I contribute ebough to my relationship? -

Hi, everyone! I am at this stage where I doubt whether I do enough for my partner and all together. I have been with my partner for 5 years now and we have 2 little kids together and 2 from his previous relatinship. I moved in with him after knowing him for a year and 1/2. He is a lot older than me, I am 23. From the moment I wake up, I take care of our kids. I looked after my first one for 3 years , now I got my youngest one just under a year. I do some cooking, some light housework, whatever my partner wants me to do. You must know from your own experience. Get up, dress up your kids, feed one, then another, then wash up, potty, bath, then luch etc. Sometimes It is harder when 2 children are ill at the same time. They both need you at the same time - onew sick, another crying etc. I just find myself running around constantly from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. Sometimes I don t have time to wash my face or go to the toilet when I need to. Its like what I am doing is not good enough, but at the same time, I don t stop working for one moment. I have not been out with my friends for 4 years. Its only the kids, that all it is. And I love being there for them. But my partner is in charge of everything and tells me what to do, etc. I stay at home with my kids at home a lot and he tells my if I can go to places and when it is best to go. The thing is, my partner still tells me I am selfish. If I want to see my friends, he tells me I should have my kids as priorities. I can t really go out much because I have to take kids with me, but he would not look after them if it is just going out and do things for myself. He is very good regarding to housework and earning money, but the only reson he does not want me to do some of the things is because I am not as good as he is. For example, if I want to go to work, my partner says I won t earn enough, but then tells me so often I am siting on my backside doing nothing . The fact is no matter how good or bad I am , I want to do things for myself whether it is ironing or washing up. I don t want to wait for him to do it. Also , it really gets to me asking for money etc. There was a time when I could not get out of the house for a couple of weeks to look after my child who was unwell, so we just had silly arguments even about food - he is in charge what we eat as well and even though it is great , sometimes I want to choose myself. Its like if he disagrees with some things I want to eat, he won t get it for me. I am so annoyed - Its not like I do not appreciate him and he does care about us and the kids, but I hate being in a position where I am called selfish when I am prepared to do things , not as good as him, but still do it. I am a person who has failings, but I feel there is never an end to it. My partner is just so unhappy with me , I feel he hates me for the most of the time. HE says he doesn t - he just wants me to listen and do things the right way, but I seem to fail all the time...|::::|You re not failing, he s just being an ***. Do you not see that he s being overly controlling? He s telling you what you can and cannot do, stopping you from seeing your friends eventhough you run around the house for your kids the entire day. It seems as though you try, but he doesn t. Just because you don t go to work doesn t mean you don t do anything around the house. If he just doens t get that, then ask him to switch places with you for a day. Make up a list with all of the things you usually do in a days time, that he now has to do as well. Then he ll see how much work you have to get done. By the list of things you just summed up here, it seems as though you don t just do quot;lightquot; housework, you do all of it. Don t let him boss you around like this. He has no right to. Stand up to him. Deep down you know that you re not doing anything wrong here. The only purpose of a marriage/relationship isn t to make your partner happy - it s to be happy yourself too! Which you re obviously not because you feel like you re inadequate. There is nothing wrong with what you re doing. x|::::|I real mean typing this, but I think that your partner is being awful to you! Being a mother is a full time job, but if you haven t seen your mates in four years, then you really need to be able to go out more often! In a relationship, the guy should NOT treat the girl as if he is the one in charge! If you have kids then you are responsible for them, but you shouldn t have to do everything! I think that you should tell him exactly how you feel and say that if he really loved you, he wouldn t behave like such a pig! Okay, maybe don t call him a pig. You are doing the best you can (and doing it well) and you deserve to be treated well and appreciated a lot more! I showed this to my boyfriend and he was shocked that your partner is acting in such a way! If you are the one who is mainly cooking and cleaning and stuff, you decide what to cook, how you are going to clean, and when! Tell your partner that I am absolutely appalled by his treatment of you!|::::|honey, honestly i think that your partner is being a bit unreasonable and posessive... from what you ve said. you put everyone before yourself, and do everything there... asking for a night out occassionally to see friends is not being selfish in the slightest...and he is being unreasonable if he does not want to watch the kids for a while, they re his children too!! hun i can t tell you what you to do...but maybe you should take a step back and consider if your really getting what you want out of this relationship, and are you really happy...then decide where to go from there... good luck hun, wish i could be of more help...|::::|It sounds like he s acting more like your father than your spouse. Also though, kids are a full-time responsibility... if you weren t looking after them and working all day, what would you do? Day care? Also, are they his biological children?|::::|you love essays|::::|Its sounds to me like you do TOO much in the relationship! Your kids are obviously your priority - and for him to treat you the way he does is wrong - hes basically not allowing you have a life outside of being a mum - which is completely wrong! You seem to work very hard as a housewife and that is particularly WHY you need to have a break with your friends. This guy sounds like a control freak and I think you seriously need to tackle the way he treats you xx|::::|u need to do more?? I DONT think so girl u r not selfish at all so dont think it eva!! u need time for ur self 4 ur childron to have a happy life they need a happy mum does he even spend anytime with his kids? no offence but if i was in ur position i would leave i dont no how u can take it and still think u need to do more girl get outta there talk to him and tell him that if u cant do anything urself then ur leaving why cant u pick what u wanna eat does he tell u want to wear u really sound so unhappy cheer up soon|::::|ebough|::::|Lindsay, My wife and I have four children. She stayed home to raise them until the youngest was 16. Your partner is doing three things: 1. He is treating you as a child. 2. He is controlling. 3. He is playing mind games with you. You are right when you say, quot;I feel there is never an end to it.quot; Why would he change? He has someone to treat as a child, as well as someone to control. He s got what he needs to be satisfied. The only way this will change is if you remove yourself from this situation. quot;Rangerquot;