How do I win over my in-laws? -

I have been married for a little over a year now. Prior to getting married my in-laws seemed to like me but things have changed, on both sides. I know part of the problem is money related. Both of our families were very poor. My husband and I have recently gotten to a point where we now doing very well. Neither of us have ever borrowed money from anyone. I took out student loans and put myself through school. He joined the military to get out of his situation. My husband use to lend money to his siblings all the time. Once we joined accounts I asked him to stop. The siblings are all adults and capable of taking care of themselves. Especially the oldest, a lawyer who is the worst with his money. He makes more than the two of us combined but can never seem to pay his mortgage. I guess his $300 dinners and expensive clothes are getting in the way. We are very conservative with our money. We buy nice things but we save for them and we both work. The lawyer s wife does not work. We want to start a family so we are saving for a bigger home and to prepare for the cost of a new baby. Even without that, it s our hard earned money. Why do we have to share it with irresponsible adults? Is there a way to have a relationship with my in-laws without money being involved or am I doomed to be his horrible selfish wife? My husband use to be close to his siblings despite moving around. I feel like I ve ruined his relationship with them. However, I don t want to resent him for giving away everything we worked so hard for.|::::|Just be honest with them and your husband, it might be a little awkward but any reasonable person would understand how you feel and if they don t then is it really worth the stress?|::::|get both families together and bake some weed brownies and watch robot chicken|::::|It s not good to keep giving Family Members your hard earned Money - They will start to look forward to it, don t fall into that trap. Just say NO.....If they like you, fine - if not to hell with them - I m talking from experience *|::::|Just Be yourself. =] Try amp; be down to earth amp; prove to them that you are good for their son|::::|In-laws usually judge you by your athletic ability. Try having your father in-law spot you while you bench press. Showing off the guns always works.|::::|You or your husband doesn t have to give any family members a dime. Especially if they are adults. If they stop talking to you or your husband, the both of you are better off. Your families need to love you for you, and not for your money. Sounds like its time for some family members to grow up and mature already.|::::|jump out of a giant cake|::::|don t feel like that there the ones in the wrong|::::|You did the right thing. They should be responsible for themselves. Just be yourself and stand your ground. If they don t like that, tough.|::::|We were the same way, except we had his mother asking for money All they time. This sounds bad but we act like we don t have the money. With the economy at it s worst, thats your excuse. If they ask, just have your husband say quot;we don t have it or I wouldquot;. That way they won t think you are being selfish. Or ask the lawyer to borrow money. Don t actually mean it, but put him in the position he puts you in. Maybe if he tells you no, which je most likely will then he will realize how hard it is to say no.|::::|You should not have to suport more than one household. They need to learn how to better control their money situation. If they loose their job, you can offer for them to stay with you guys for a few months to get on their feet, but just handing over money it not going to help them solve their own problems. More money is not the solution. They will just become more dependant. They need to learn to live off of what they make. They will be angry for a while, but this has to be something that you BOTH agree needs to be done, otherwise you risk the possibility of him talking to them behind your back which could perpertuate the bad attitude toward you. You can still be nice toward each other. Sounds like they might have been close to him FOR the money. If they are not close, that is not your problem. If they don t want to talk to him anymore because he does not give them money all the time when they ask, then they were not all that close in the first place. Giving money is something you CHOOSE to do out of the kindness of your heart and it should certainly not be EXPECTED of you! Make sure that your husband is 100% on board with this new idea, then it is not just you against them, it is quot;usquot; against them. Although against might not be the right word. You and hubby need to talk about this issue. Communication is always key. On top of that he needs to deal with his family. If they are treating you differently then you need to talk to your husband about how to hand the situation or he can do it for you. He had known these people for all his life you have only known them for the past few years. So he should be the one to deal with them. And he needs to say it right, not quot;she won t let mequot; or quot;she would be angryquot; but quot;We had decided that we need to save our money for our emerceny fund (baby, house, vaccation, etc) and it is already bugeted that way. I m sorry, we just don t have the extra money to give you.quot; Eventually they WILL get over it. Especially once you have a kid. I heard they treat you differently once you are the mother of their blood relative. Although we don t have any kids yet, we are working on that.|::::|Your husband had gotten himself into a really bad pattern rescuing his family members. Good for him that he made the decision to stop doing that. They remained financially irresponsible because his enabling allowed them to do so. Now his money is off-limits. And my guess is that they blame you for this change. You and your husband sound like you are wise beyond your years. You are responsible with your money now and planning for your future together. Good for you! It would be your husband s responsibility to talk with his siblings about this situation. Please don t expect them to understand. His lawyer brother most likely has either a drug or gambling problem, and he s not about to take responsibility for his own behavior. The lawyer s lazy wife needs a sound kick in the butt. And I m sure the other siblings aren t much better. I would encourage you to not anticipate a close relationship with them any time soon. They are children masquerading as adults. Relax, enjoy your husband and your relationship together and let the siblings figure out what they have to do to become responsible adults. Best wishes to you!|::::|You made a fatal error in that you TOLD your husband not to lend money to his siblings. That, of course would get on his nerves but he won t say anything because he loves you. By now, all the relatives of his have you labeled as some sort of control freak. The best way to have handled that was to suggest you get back your own checking account. (You can still do that.) That way he won t be giving your money away. When families are concerned, let him do what he feels he needs to do. Don t hound him with, quot;you really shouldn t ....blah, blah, blah.quot; When it becomes an issue for him, he will see the quot;lightquot; and make the changes himself. But, he will want to do it for himself. About your in-laws. All you can do is be consistently polite, as helpful as you need to be, and encourage communication between them and you. See, you didn t ruin the relationship of your husband with his family. They all have just gotten more determined to do what they want. Sometimes you just gotta stay out of it.|::::|Say it the way it is..Being the no no girl is the best policy..So many people live in a bubble and can not understand when you say no! If your in-laws have any smarts, they will understand where your coming from..If they continue to act the way they do, just have a heart to heart talk with them and they should understand clearly after you do..|::::|Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Hold your ground - don t give in to guilt. His siblings need to take care of themselves. It is up to him to stand up to them and not throw you under the bus wheels. They are the ones ruining the relationship - not you or your husband. The most loving thing the two of you can do is not give them money and allow them the opportunity to grow up and pay their own way. The type of behavior that causes us to want to give and give to keep others from feeling pain is called quot;enabling.quot; You should read about it and so should your husband - because enabling will cause you a great deal of pain when you become parents. You are doing the right thing. Keep it up.|::::|I think that you should inform the in-laws and all other moochers that your husband s money is no longer HIS money it is now money that belongs to the both of you. And more importantly, the spending of HIS money is not his sole decision. They know or should know that everytime they quot;borrowquot; from him that is taking money out YOUR household. You cant just sit back and let them beg, borrow and steal. If you say nothing, especially when they have the audacity not to return the favor, trust me you and your husband will be in a financial mess because of their selfish ways.|::::|Wow!!! I cant believe that!!! Well you don t have to do anything just wait for them to change and realize that they are missing out.|::::|Move far away from them.|::::|you will always be quot;his horrible selfish wifequot; I understand what your saying...you want children someday...that money should be saved for them...its your nest egg...not theirs....you work hard for you money...and if the in laws cant see that, then who needs a relationship with them anyway, i wouldn t even worry about it......not your problem they have no money....GOOD LUCK|::::|I would just go on as you are and not bother with people like that. It sounds a lot like so in-laws i know. When they want something they call and want you in their life, but if you say no they get pissed and ignore you. Why would you want to contaminate you life with people like that? Just love your hubby so much it makes up for them being jerks.|::::|Things have changed for him now. He has a family to take care of now. When he was giving them money he wasn t married. Now that he is, he needs to put his family first. I have no mercy for lawyers of any kind. They are just educated on how to lie. Or the way they put it just not the whole story. Be polite to your in-laws , and just let them come to you. You can t force yourself on them. Its also not your fault that you are doing better than they are. You are doing the right thing. Good luck to you.|::::|lol I know this is ****** up but You know what will make them happy DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEIR SON IN THEIR HOUSE lol|::::|Stand your ground, they are taking advantage of your common sense approach to finances and will never stop. Your husband needs to grow a spine amp; stop trying to buy their love .. All of your money is only for you two. period. They are jealous of you and your marriage, you seem to have what they lack. The heck w/ his siblings, that s the past, your life together now is the important issue.|::::|You are right in all senses. You and your husband have to understand that you are your family..no matter who gets angry or resentful. He was wrong giving money away..you can`t do that to your finances, and to the people,(so to speak bcuz they get used to) it`s a terrible habit. Save and do whatever you must do to have healthy funds, that means stop personal loans. About the law`s relationship without money issues, well it is up to them..If they are smart enough they will understand..that`s the way it has to be..If they don`t, say good bye and sorry, and live your life without losers around, opportunist and hustlers. You aren`t selfish, I think you are the smart of the clan!...But let me tell you, in this case sometimes you have to be selfish if it`s how they call it. Congrats and go for the baby when you`re ready!..|::::|You did the right thing if you let it go it will go on forever stop now I know im 49 years old and have had 3 heart attacks I needed some help and my parents were there but that s different my sister is 10 months younger than me and her whole life could never keep a job the guy she has been with for 20 years is the same way and shes been sucking off my parents forever just last month they paid her elec. and mortgage my dad has paid for her house from the beginning so it never stops and my dad is just stupid ive had this talk with him many times now we don t talk because they are retired and my sister is still sucking them dry STOP NOW its there problem not you and your husbands sorry so long|::::|i dont think you have anything to feel guilty about. his siblings are adults and should be responsible enough to manage their money. sure, everyone gets strapped for cash occassionaly and its nice to have someone who can help you out, but no one should make a habit of it. your in-laws should feel guilty for mooching. i ve found that when people treat you badly because you won t fork over cash, it s a ploy to make you feel like you have to pay to be liked.