HELP! I canamp;#39;t live with my wife. Its becoming Impossible! ? -

Hi all We have had a rough marriage. 8 years into it (in the middle there was 1 year where we did not live together due to arguments but had a reunion) with 1 2year old baby girl and pregnant with the 2nd baby due Aug 09. I have had this problem with my head and my nervous ticks/twitches for few years now. Lately in the last few years it become so severe that my head feels almost in pain all time. I feel as if there is no circulation, it feels so detached. I keep shaking my neck in effort to boost some circulation which gives me stiff neck and pain also. To be honest I am kind of person who especially at this stage now is much in peace and harmony when living alone. Thing is that we live in small 1 bed flat which is making me feel so clausterphobic (especially since the living room has now become some kind of palyground for my baby girl). I am really suffering now mentally and physically. Right now I am actually making application for Disability Living Allowance. I need to live on my own now. Atleast for 6 months to 1 year so that in this time whilst I am more relaxed I can sort out my problems and also look to make money to finance deposit for place with atleast 2 bedrooms. Right now I cannot buy new place because I am owner of theone I am living in now and do not wnat to sell this one because of poor price I fetch.At the same time I do not have finance for deposit in new prioperty. I need to find solution urgently because the marriage as it is on its last legs, My wife is pregnant and I fear miscarriage due to my stress that causes arguments daily with her and I fear for my bay girl who sees us arguing daily which is starting to probably effect her mentally and also the flat being too small. I do not wnat to live with my wife especially the way we are currently residing (its just become impossible). But at the sme time I do not want either to divorce her or sell my flat to trade up. I prefer seperation which is much softer landing compared to divorce. This is where I need help. If I seperate, then: do I have to leave the flat (bear in mind I am the sole signotory to the mortgage, my wife opted out). OR she will be asked to leave and arrange new accomodation which because she is full time housewife and hence does not earn any monies, the council will find the accomodation for her. Will she then get benfits to live on. And if short then will I be asked to provide contribution which I am ok with if the amount is not too hudge and fits my budget which too be honest right now is stretched. What about the baby or babies I Should say. Obviously it looks like that they will stay with her because they are too young. But arrangement to share the baby e.g 3 days with me and rest with the mum looks realistic or far fetched. Kindly take note that by looking to explore the seperation option, I do not intend in anyway to disown my babies but the way the things are now I have reached the dead end. Something has gotta be done about my situation with the wife otherwise I am looking at bankruptcy and mental failure (half way there already). Reaosn why I say bankruptcy is because my employer is firing me sometime in feb/march 2009 (he is fed up seeing me stressed/depressed, half alert and moody) and to be honest I do not feel I am employable in my current state due to reasons as explained above about myself i.e nervous head shaking and ticks, jumping up and down evry few minutes and slow mental reactions. And whats worse is that being on benfits is not an option either because I lots of expenses and debts including mortgage that benefits will just not cover even if my mortgage is paid by my insurers. Hence by separating All I am really trying to do is avert a personal disaster. Every dayliving the way I am living now is costing me and making me closer to bankruptcy. Heck I have been sleeping on the floor in m,y living room for some time because I cannot share the bed with wife, so much hatred that has developed between us. And this seperation could just be an excersie in just living apart for some time becauase I really intent to make use of time when I live in the flat alone. Let me explain this by saying that lately and in the last year or 2 I have been learning techniques of making wealth. I know I can do a good job of getting rich or atleast having enough for deposit for bigger flat if I am given some time, space and peace of mind. Time meaning 6 months to year and half And peace of mind meaning living on my own so I can concentrate and focus and come out of my depression that has been haunting me for last few years and getting severe lately. I mean its not that I cannot really live with the wife but its becoming very apparant that I cannot live in prevailing circumstances i.e 1 bed flat. Atleast if I had 2 bedrooms, I wouild be able to have one of them for myself and my studies and relaxation which is very importnat to me. As is it is now, there is switch off place in my flat, n|::::|Too long to read, too much info for my brain to process.|::::|You made this family, you need to support if both physically and emotionally.|::::|If it s not working I would consider getting a divorce or a seperation. It s not healthy for you to say you hate having to share a bed with your wife.|::::|Yeah, leave her, she has put up with you for eight years and deserves a break!|::::|sounds like you need to man up and grow some balls sir.|::::|how long did it take you to type this question out?|::::|You need to first see a doctor for your medical condition. Once you clear that...ALL of your issues may be solved. Your in pain and stressed most of the time because of the physical issue and it spills over into your marriage. SEE A DOCTOR.|::::|I am feeling the same way. You need to stop take a deep breath and exhale. I m sorry that you feel this way and that you are in this situation. You need to do what s best for you babies. They can feel that stress and it can t be good for them. In fact it isn t good for them at all. You said yourself that you would rather live on your own but that doesnt mean you can t see your kids. You should talk with your wife and gently explain how you are feeling. At least that way your brian wont explode from all the random thoughts. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.|::::|It sounds like the catalyst to all of this chaos in your life right now is your health problem. It is ruining all the other parts of your life including your job and marriage......It is understandable that all of this stress has taken its toll on you. If you don t mind me asking, what have your doctors diagnosed you with?...It sounds to me as though you may suffer from Parkinson s Disease and there are medications available to help alleviate the nervous twitches and shaking. What about your wife, from what you said, she is a housewife right now (and she is probably just as stressed out as you at this point).....but surely she could try and find some type of work to help you out with the bills and alleviate some of the financial stress in your household. I realize she s pregnant, but she could get temporary work now and go back full time to a different job after the baby is born. That way if she is working full time, you two won t be together all of the time in your cramped living quarters....Also, are you able to care for the children if she gets a job?...If not, is there a family member who could help babysit for you?..If no one can watch the children besides your wife, you may want to consider selling your place and moving in with a relative for a while and saving some money up. Outside of all of this you may be able to qualify for mental health services due to your medical condition...Perhaps individual therapy and/or marital counseling would be beneficial to you and your wife. I really don t know what else to say besides I will pray for you and your family and I truly hope that things get better for you. Best Wishes..........|::::|Whatever your choice, just realize that you still have a family to support. Ultimately the choice lies with you and you have to live with it.|::::|You need to go to a Doctor and get on medication. It will more than likely help you immensely w/the mental problems and the rest will take care of itself if you are taken care of all the rest of the problems go away. Good Luck and go to the Doctor....TODAY.|::::|Sound like you have no intent of ever getting back together with her so just go for the divorce.|::::|I second that Jaron . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,.-‘”. . . . . . . . . .``~., . . . . . . . .. . . . . .,.-”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“-., . . . . .. . . . . . ..,/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”:, . . . . . . . .. .,?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\, . . . . . . . . . /. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,} . . . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`^`.} . . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:”. . . ./ . . . . . . .?. . . __. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :`. . . ./ . . . . . . . /__.(. . .“~-,_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`. . . .. ./ . . . . . . /(_. . ”~,_. . . ..“~,_. . . . . . . . . .,:`. . . . _/ . . . .. .{.._;_. . .”=,_. . . .“-,_. . . ,.-~-,}, .~”; /. .. .} . . .. . .((. . .*~_. . . .”=-._. . .“;,,./`. . /” . . . ./. .. ../ . . . .. . .\`~,. . ..“~.,. . . . . . . . . ..`. . .}. . . . . . ../ . . . . . .(. ..`=-,,. . . .`. . . . . . . . . . . ..(. . . ;_,,-” . . . . . ../.`~,. . ..`-.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\. . /\ . . . . . . \`~.*-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..|,./.....\,__ ,,_. . . . . }.gt;-._\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . ..`=~-, . .. `=~-,_\_. . . `\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\ . . . . . . . . . .`=~-,,.\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . `:,, . . . . . . . . . . . . . `\. . . . . . ..__ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .`=-,. . . . . . . . . .,%`gt;--==`` . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _\. . . . . ._,-%. . . ..`\.|::::|Sorry, I didn t read the whole damn thing. Just reading the title of your question: if you can t handle her, divorce, separate or go to counseling if you both feel some love for each other. By the way, think of your kids for a change !|::::|Get medical attention. There s probably something that someone can do. Express to the doctors that you NEED them to suggest something because it is seriously affecting your life. If they wont help, see a homeopathic doctor. Seeing a chiropractor might also be a good idea, I ve heard stories of people having pinched nerves because their spines were dis-aligned causing pain, numbness, and poor circulation. Try head and neck massages either learn to do it yourself, ask your wife to learn, or hire a massage therapist. It relieves stress, invigorates you, increases circulation, and calms nerves. I really would try that if I were you.|::::|What condition(s) are you suffering from? Specific conditions...what are the names of the disease or illnesses you have been diagnosed with?|::::|well i didn t read all of this but all im saying is go with your heart :) don t get a divorce YET. Ya ll really need to sit down and talk out ur problems, talk about why ya ll ticked off at eachother. Just tell her, do you feel the pain i do. Im guessing its mostly stress. just calm yourselves down. Sleep in different rooms for a while. Take a break from worl. relax and talk to her! if this doesn t work go tp counciling divorce just leads to problems but....if u really can t hanfle it anymore- get one hope i helped peace?|::::|as i see it you have 2 major problems: 1. regain your health 2. support your family For the first, you need to be under a Dr s care and on meds to control both the physical and mental problems you are having. Once your health is under control you will feel better able to evaluate what best to do for your family. Right now while you are confused and overwhelmed and sick it s the wrong time to make a wise decision about your living situation. Go see a dr or check yourself into a clinic or mental health ward. That s what they re for. Helping those who need it. Changing homes and situation will bring short term relief but in the end will bring you right back to where you are now. It won t be a cure. ps- If there is illicit drug involvement, it is making matters worse.|::::|You re being a baby and creating a more stressful environment for you and your family. Stop your whining and try to be more positive, it will help with the ticks.